Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Blasted Cops

you ever get stuck behind a person who insists on going 10 UNDER the speed limit? well if not, good land its annoying. and if your one of those people then get the haites outta my way when you see my silver bullet comin up behind you. anyways, so we had fhe the other week up in american fork. yeah sure, i'll drive. so coming back i get stuck behind this minivan that seriously is going 20 in a 35, and it goes on for like 2 miles. so i say "funk dis" and go ahead and pass 'em in the turn lane (it was on a road, not the highway) and speed off. i'm normally much more composed than that but a brotha can only take so much. i tell my roomates not to call me in for breaking the law like that. one flips out his fake phone and pretends to call in. no joke, less than 30 seconds later i see the dreaded lights coming on. dude, i JUST told you NOT to call!

i see the lights and try to turn left real quick so i can jump on some side streets and lose him before he catches up. but blasted traffic kept coming the other direction. freak people, get outta my way! cant you see i'm trying to cover my mistake by making a potentially greater mistake if i get caught!? well he catches up to me (as i'm sitting like an idiot in the turn lane) and asks for the usual. i hand him my info and he goes back to his car, while politely asking me to move over to the shoulder. (yes it crossed my mind to take off at this point, but he had my license and i didnt want to be caught driving without a license). at about this time the said van passes me, still driving at a walkers pace, and i feel really stupid cause i always make fun of those people that think they're so cool when they speed by you but then get pulled over and provide me with much laughter and finger pointing. but blast, this time i was the moron. anyways, he cited me for 51 in a 35, but was actually really nice and dropped it down to 5 over and recommended traffic school so it wouldnt go on my record. what a nice officer! so i sign the ticket thats "not an admission of guilt, merely a promise to appear" and peal out so rocks spew onto his car behind me and i'm on my way.

this marked the first time i've been pulled over in almost 2 yrs and the first since i got my new car. i suppose the $80 it cost for everything wasnt so bad. the guy at traffic school was actually pretty cool. it was only an hour and all he did was a question and answer thing where he talked about tazering people and such. needless to say i'm a reformed man. the next time i pass someone in a turn lane i'm going to slow down immediatley so i'm not caught for speeding...

my life's totals:
times pulled over- 10
tickets received- 6/10
scooters towed- 1
boots received- 2
parking tickets- 9
lessons learned- 0

5 comments:

Unknown said...

Hah! Busted! Waste! But I feel ya. I cannot be held responsible for my actions when driving behind idiots. And believe me, in LA, there are a LOT of idiots. Good thing I can usually turn off the nasty driving personality when I'm with the family. My favorite things to say usually begin with "freakin'" followed by "idiot", "doofus", and "clueless" among others. I'm amazed I've only been pulled over ONCE since living in CA and that was for expired tabs (they were in my glove compartment, just hadn't put them on, he let me go). I always wonder what the people were doing who DO get pulled over because I always drive 80 if I can (it makes up for most of the time only going 10 in traffic). But nothing beats go ol' Utah - the only place to dare give me a ticket for 10 over in a 75 zone in lame Nephi for a lowsy $40! My favorite part about your post was the list at the end: Lessons Learned - 0! Ain't that the truth!

cori said...

we have had this conversation before. you better pay that ticket.

that's all i have to say.

you and brandon drive {no pun intended} me crazy with your tickets.

i must go. before my upper lip gets sweaty.

i take this sort of thing so personal. why garlan? why?

brandon ruined me.

cori said...

i like it when you blog.


you are funny to me.

phantom was amazing. no words. say sorry garlan. you know you love it.

iAMbarticus said...

Whatever. It was totally a real phone. PS- when you try and lose a cop, they treat you even more like an idiot when they catch you.

Derelique said...

How is it that we all inherited dad's "total disdain for highway cops and idiot drivers"? I mean, I was ACTUALLY in the car w/ dad when he was flying down 200th, a cop passed us going the other way, then flipped around to come back for us. So what does dad do? He pulls off onto that gravel side road (that goes out the Merrill's place in the boondocks) and FLOORS it in his Acura! I mean, we was fish tailing and everything...rocks flying up all over the place. He pulls into a driveway and we seriously wait for like 10 mins...and then he drives back out to the road and on our way to Pac West or wherever we were going!

I consider myself a pretty calm guy but man, getting pulled over is one of like only 3 buttons I have. I went like 5 yrs w/out a ticket and then got pulled over in Boston for running thru a "yellow" light when AT LEAST 3-4 cars do this at every light.