An Eventful Day

so this past saturday was just a great day. it started out with me driving to tempe so i could talk to someone about transfering credits and all that. i finally find the admin. building, put in my 30 min. worth of parking tolls, only to find out the place was closed. blast! so i figured i might as well use up my 30 min. and walk around campus a bit, but with it being 112 degrees that didnt last too long. i decide to come on home and enjoy the recess of the pool. i lay out for a bit, work on my albinoness, then take a dip for awhile. in all i was out back for around 2 hrs. Now instead of albinoman i'm lobsterman! totally got worked by the sun. take a look: (not me, just an example - my legs are much buffer)

and if that wasnt enough, that night i was playing around with vienna up in her room. "oh, haha, having so much fun playing! i love rolling around and pretending i'm dead. oh this is such a great time." And then: "ouch, son of a....!" something stung me. at first i thought it was a ant, cause erin and rob apparently run an animal shelter for ants now. but then when the throbbing kept getting worse and worse, i looked around for the bee. then i see it. the dastardly culprit who was responsible for my now swelling thumb. a freakin wasp! i've been stung by bees before and let me tell you this was no bee sting. it flippin hurt. no joke, for probably a 1/2 hr. my thumb just throbbed. i've never felt anything like it before. it was as if this was the barry bonds of wasps, pumped full of steroid poison. then it went numb and i couldnt bend it! and by this time my right thumb was at least twice as big as my left thumb. it was something. its still a tad bit fat, but at least i can move it now. i know vienna doesnt appreciate what i went thru for her. next to taking a straight up bullet in da chest, thats about all i can do for someone.

so nevermind i got THE biggest can of bee spray thats currently legal in AZ and took that sucka for a swim of his own. i didnt stop spraying until the kids started passing out cause of the fumes. boy i went to town on that thing and refused to put the can of "bug spray X5000: meant for bees/wasps, but strong enough for elephants" away until the USPC (united states pest control) was finally called in to clean up the pool of poison. i definitely had the last laugh on that one. (i guess it was more a sobbing laugh cause my thumb still hurt). man i tell ya that wasp kicked my butt. straight up abused me. i felt about as manly as a man who squeals with delight when he sees brad pitt with his shirt off. so put that sting in there along with my getting pinched by a pincher bug in the face when i'm laying in my bed, almost stepping on a cockroach at 2 am when i go into the bathroom, almost stepping on a dead bird thats laying just past the door into the garage, and flicking numerous other spiders and bugs off my bed or outta my way when walking around the house. i literally commend my body to the heavens every time i fall asleep in that house.

so that was my weakend. the sun pimp-slapped me all over and this wasp butt-slapped me on the hand. for petes sake (who's pete?), whats going on here!! cant a man go swimming w/out coming out looking like a cherry? cant a man play with his niece w/out having to fight back tears of pain? cant a man drive 20 miles and pay for a parking spot w/out being cruelly mocked by a sign that says "closed on weekends"? and cant a man at least go to sleep sunday night and sleep away the troubles of the weekend? oh no, not me. i toss and turn ALL freakin night. thats just great. why dont we just make a concoction of onions mixed with tobasco sauce and red peppers and rub it in my eyes? and that was my weekend.