its a sad day indeed when even a persons bathroom items arent off-limits. this past weekend one erin morley secretly disposed of my favorite piece of shower-washing, body-cleansing material i've ever know. my loofa. that loofa has been with me since high school. we've been thru the mud and dirt (literally) together and have formed quite a bond. we had chemistry. she conformed to the contours of my body perfectly. we loved each other. but alas, a cruel hand has been dealt us. while i'm still sleeping, erin decides to clean the bathroom. fine by me. but then she happens upon a beautiful piece of artwork which she callously throws away as "trash." unbelievable. who would do such a thing? now the best (and only) loofa i've ever known is out with the garbage. it had already been salvaged once before when my mom tried to do the same thing. geez, the gall of these savages!! so i at once had to go to the store to try and replace what is unreplaceable. "i put another one in there for you" she says, but it was much too hard and stiff and would have irrited my skin to no end. forgiveness will be hard to come by for this incident. perhaps she was getting back at me for eating some girl scout cookies that she was going to send to her friend in brazil. nonetheless, cookies can be replaced. but the eternal bond of man and loofa can never be attained after it is lost. she might as well have sprayed mace in my eyes and kicked me out rather than toss away my lovely washer. call me names (i've already heard everything from rob), laugh at me, make jokes. but to me this is no jovial matter. my grievance knows no bounds. and so a poem:
my loofa was mine all mine,
clasped together until the end of time.
she loved me and i loved her,
the pleasant material felt like fur.
but now we are torn apart
piercing my soul like a dart.
i'll never forget the times we had,
when i think of you i'll always feel sad.
lathered up, ready to go
i turn on the shower and let the water flow.
the dirt and grime you always cleansed,
like a mother, changing a depends.
you made me clean and fresh
like a younger, handsome john tesh.
goodbye my love, i wont forget
never an equal, on that you can bet.
7 comments:
I lost a stuffed animal once. It's hard to describe the pain ... but there is a cure. It's called binge eating!! Just think; when you're done there will be a lot more of you for your new loofa to clean.
Jason loves his loofa too, whats up with you McCoy boys? Brooke
i'm telling you they're great. i still wake up expecting to take a nice shower with my friend, but its still not there....
who are you? sometimes i wonder where you get ideas in your head. a poem? i didn't know you had it in you. so proud! do you have a digital so you can put real pics on?
G, who's the random comment from? A secret boy lover!?
Seriously G! Nasty! Since high school? I'm all for loving your loofa and I'm even into the whole writing it poems and stuff, but that sucker had been around too long and was for sure full of germs and junk. I hope you at least put it through the wash every now and then!
I can't believe G. would portray me so cruelly and heartlessly out there in cyberspace. I told him I vomited in my mouth when I saw it hanging from the shower head. I told him it looked like nasty witch hair (anyone remember the witch from Sleepy Hollow when our hero Johnny Depp tries to discover the identity of the headless horseman?)and still he continues to pine. I told him he could dig it out of the trash when he told me how long they'd been together, but obviously she wasn't worth it. Did you have a name for her too G? I'm sorry I didn't know your history. Maybe I wouldn't have shrank back in primeval fear when I saw her hanging there in my own dojo. You should thank me for breaking that bond you weren't able to. SHe had a hold on you, man! It was time to intervene. Slowly, slowly you will forget...And just so you know, I will be replacing any and all loofahs periodically and without warning. I can't let this happen to you again. I just care TOO MUCH!!
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